I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
