If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
