Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
