Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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