OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
