So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
