"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
