I accidentally burped into my bong.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
