before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
