Its about making memories worth repressing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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