i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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