Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found puke in my bra..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
