When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
