bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
