i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
