It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
