When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
