worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
