You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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