When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
