so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
