I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
