If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
