I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize