I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
