My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
