I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
