i would punch a child for taco bell
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
