ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize