You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
