all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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