just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
