I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
