Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
