Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
