I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
