Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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