you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
