Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
