I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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