I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize