it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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