i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
