my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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