I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
