god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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