I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
