Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize