Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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