Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
