did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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