He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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