I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
