i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
