There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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