I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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