remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
