I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
