All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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