Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Life is so much better after having sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
