Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
