he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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