okay pat passed out under dana's car
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
