Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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