Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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