just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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