Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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