god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
