please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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