Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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