I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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